An Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at President Bush. That is bad news for Obama because now everyone will be throwing basketball shoes at him. Reeboks, Nikes, Converse Chuck Taylors. (Good thing he doesn’t like grunge that much or there’d be flying Doc Martens.) Of course, they won’t be throwing shoes because they don’t like him. Just because they want him to autograph them and throw them back.
In case you hadn’t heard, the continuing Blago scandal is “really bad” for President-Elect Barack Obama.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Here are a few more things that are bad news for Obama:
I mentioned “icebergs,” and they indeed are bad for Obama. What with all the ships they sink, and the things they hide. Just the tips of icebergs show, so you never know what is lurking underneath.
Fridays are bad for Obama. They are traditionally slow news days. That means the media has to make something last through the weekend. On Fridays, people go to happy hour. That is bad, because they drink, presumably to get happy. Happiness is another bad thing for Obama because happy people are not complaining as much as they are required to. Complaining is also bad for Obama because people complain about things over which he has no direct control, but what the hey, he’s “Super President-Elect-in-Chief” so he should be able to fix everything, after all, that’s why we voted for him.
And the fact that he hasn’t fixed anything yet, is also bad news for Obama. What’s he waiting on? What’s all this talk about “only one President at a time?” Can’t we have more than one President?
Joe Biden got a puppy before Obama. That is seriously bad news. Not only did Biden have the nerve to get a purebred German Shepard, he had to go and get it from a licensed, reputable dog breeder. What, no puppy mill? No rescue dog? He had to go the “elitist” route and get a purebred. Obviously, Biden was trying to make the point that the next President is a “mutt.” That is bad news. The only thing worse than that is if Biden named the puppy “Shepard Smith.”
Obama got named TIME’s Person of the Year. Great. That is really, really bad news. Everyone knows you only get named Person of the Year if you “pay for play” on the cover of the magazine. What’s next? The cover of Rolling Stone? (Oh, yeah… he’s done that too.)
An Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at President Bush. That is bad news for Obama because now everyone will be throwing basketball shoes at him. Reeboks, Nikes, Converse Chuck Taylors. (Good thing he doesn’t like grunge that much or there’d be flying Doc Martens.) Of course, they won’t be throwing shoes because they don’t like him. Just because they want him to autograph them and throw them back.
Obama’s had news briefings just about everyday for the last two weeks. That is bad news for Obama because he’s supposed to be “transparent” because that’s what “the American people want” according to a CBS news correspondent. Standing in front of the TV cameras everyday, having a pack of press hounds called “pool reporters” (even though they never go anywhere near a pool) and answering inane questions like “Even though the US Attorney asked you to hold off until next week telling us what you know about how Blago grooms his hair, why are you refusing to tell us now? Aren’t you being non-transparent?” is bad news for Obama because he is just not being transparent enough to satisfy these reporters.
President Bush can’t make up his mind about bailing out auto industry. That is bad news for Obama. Very bad. Just because it is one more thing he’ll have to do later instead of now because he won’t contravert the Constitution and just overthrow Bush now instead of this “waiting to be sworn in” thing.
There’s more… the whole “competent Cabinet officers” thing. Whatever happened to the “heckuva job, Brownie” mentality. What? Obama just has to show off and choose people who really know how to do the jobs he picks them for. Geez Louise!
Rick Warren is bad for Obama. Sure, (stealing someone else’s line) Rick Warren is Jerry Falwell in a Hawaiian shirt. But asking the guy to give a prayer at Inauguration is horrifically bad news. Because Rick Warren has issues with gay people. So, if Obama asked Archbishop Wuerl — who would also have a problem with gays, women in the priesthood, abortion and that little Catholic church sex abuse thing — that would be better news? What if he asked a Muslim Imam or a Rabbi — who would have diametrically opposed views on the Middle East one would suppose — is that better? Hmmm… wanting us to all “just get along” for at least a few days is really, very, really, very bad news for Obama.
And finally, I’m out of Grey Goose. That is extremely bad news for Obama. But not nearly as bad as the fact that I haven’t gotten my personally delivered invitation to the most exclusive Inaugural Ball he and Michelle will be attending, along with my luxury suite at Blair House and one-of-a-kind Badgley-Mischka gown from the transition team yet.
That’s so bad I could throw my shoes…
Friday Morning Update: As I predicted, Fridays are defintely bad for Obama. Just this morning, President Bush makes the eleventh hour decision to bailout the auto industry. Bad news for Obama. By now, you don’t even need me to tell this is bad news. Actually, you don’t even need a reason. If it happened, it’s bad for Obama.
Caroline Kennedy didn’t vote in 1989!!!! Horrible news for Obama. Why didn’t he tell her back then he was running for President in 2008 and she needed to vote because she would decide to allow herself to be considered for the Senate seat once held by her uncle Bobby? Didn’t she realize that not working a 9 to 5 job would be bad for Obama?
And just who told Al Franken to run for Senate, while we’re speaking of the Senate. Sure he had a 9 to 5 (or longer) job as a comedy writer on Saturday Night Live, but didn’t he realize these are serious times? He should have had a serious job like, I dunno Governor of Wasilla or Mayor of Alaska or something. Bad, bad news for Obama.
And Blago speaks! Oh no!!! Whatever he says will be bad for Obama. If he claims he’s innocent, that’s bad news. If he says he never talked about nothing to nobody, especially a nobody named Emanuel, well, that could be the end of the world as we know it.
Brace yourselves….
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